Love Poem For My Country

after Sandile Dikeni

My desire for you ebbs and flows as the oceans do.

Today, I wake up and decide that I do not want you,

and if loving you means I co-sign to your mistakes

then I deny knowledge of you. Three times or more

I will say I know nothing about South Africa beyond

its name, its location on the continent where every

face could be mine, where every language could be

my mother tongue, the way it calls me back when–

ever I stray from its shores is merely circumstantial–

They only want you when you’re gone, so stay gone.

The mantra in my head is louder than bones thrown

to lure me back so I stay gone. I stay non-committal.

Could I declare this and not face charges of treason?

Is it unfaithfulness to be disappointed in you, land

of my father’s heart, home of my mother’s prayers?

My home is the people I love, my home is their joy,

their peace. I have loved you before, I have believed  

your promises: a better life for all. I am yet to see it.

Today, I woke up and decided that I do not want you.

Tomorrow, I may decide otherwise. Is this not how

love goes? Does it not, like the ocean, ebb and flow?

April 27, 2020. 

Freedom Day, South Africa.

Commemorating 26 years of freedom and democracy.