My Choice: A Monologue

Waking up every day wishing you’ve changed but realize that you’re still the same. Can’t keep yourself straight because he is on your mind all day. A bulge in your pants from the look in his eyes. You shiver in fear when you realize you’re not accepted in your home, an abomination of nature. You bury your head while in thought, afraid that it could be loud enough, but then you realize that you only have one life and you want to experience love, even though it is wrong.

I need to read something to you.

"If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them" - Leviticus 20:13.

That’s the Bible! The Bible! You were brought up a certain way, taught certain values. The Bible makes this much easier to understand. Death is the only option, to stop yourself from indulging, stop yourself from committing the sin. Then again, the Bible frowns upon every sin, and if the whole world can indulge then why can’t you.

It is hard.

First you convince yourself that it is a phase, then try to fix yourself, leaving a trail of broken and confused hearts, and then you turn to the world through your screen and find acceptance, and you allow yourself get carried away as you have found your haven. It is too much to handle, the secret is burning a hole inside you. You know what you know, the world is the world but it is not your reality, so with a sound mind and strong will you take the first step up the stool. There is no one there to stop you, just the echoed cries of your parents after you told them your reality.

My reality.

My name is Olamide Kehinde Folarin. I chose death.