I Call It Father

The thing which you fear
The thing that squeezes the life out of you
then stops
lets you breathe again
but only for an instant
then squeezes again
You can call it what you wish
I call it father

How do I say
without sounding ungrateful

that the lesson you will leave me

Is running

Is leaving
A fear stitched in my marrow

A fear that breathes

Father
What if I am buried in the hate you litter?
What if I am the animal that births its young only to eat them

Alive

Alive

Alive
The thought leaves me defeated
The thought leaves me drained

How do I say
without sounding ungrateful

That truly I pity you
Truly I pity myself
How do I say

You have given me everything
And taken it away in the same breath

With that thing
where you squeeze my neck
and squeeze
But when life is ready to let go
You let go
let life seep back into me

Only to squeeze again another day

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